"Old habits die hard, but a life lived in pursuit of God's will can turn harmful habits into distant memories."
The mistakes we made in the past ARE the past and we can leave them there. God loves us NOW (and always), as we are. We need to come to God with all the worries of our past and leave them at His feet. God will take care of them while we can move on. Scared to trust all your drama to someone else? Shouldn't we trust that God knows what He's doing? It's out of our hands. Meanwhile, God will heal our scars, while keeping the memories out of our reach.
It's God's will-it's all up to Him. God, let me serve you and love you. Take it all away from me-I don't want it anymore. I don't understand it all, but I want to love you God. I want to understand your ways and your love.
"It's so much easier to hold a grudge than to forgive, to silently keep punishing the person for his or her wrongs."
Forgive others just as you have been forgiven. "Members of the human race are notorious for their ability to say or do things without thinking them through first." ME. I often make foolish mistakes and say stupid things. But I need to forgive others just as others willingly forgive me for the hurtful or stupid things I say.
And once I've forgiven someone, I need to stop dwelling on the past. I need to let it go and not think of it again. It's over. DONE. I need to give the person the benefit of the doubt that the situation will get better.
"The past troubles will be forgotten and hidden from my eyes." Isiah 65:16
Friday, March 13, 2009
Sunday, March 8, 2009
A little over emotional today...
I sit here, sitting in a swirl of emotions and confusion. I'm not sure what to think about life anymore or what is even on my mind. I can't seem to concentration on anything, and my homework is only frustrating me beyond belief.
Life is so full of unanswered questions, swirls of misunderstandings, and doubts about what is right and what is wrong. As I sit here entwined in all these feelings and doubts, I wonder once again who is right and who is wrong. I know what I believe, and I know why, but how do you make everyone else understand? I don't think anyone could ever understand my confusing, mixed up mind. Even I don't understand sometimes why I am the way I am.
I was watching home videos the other day, and I realized what a crazy child I was. I was odd then, and I guess it never changed. I loved dressing up in crazy outfits, dancing and singing when I was beyond awful, and telling stories to make friends. I guess some things haven't changed....
I feel like I'm losing myself in a midst of confusion and I'm fighting my way out of it...ain't it funny how we can pretend it's all okay, look great on the outside, and really just be as confused and messed up as everyone around us?
As we scream and cry out for attention, each us to consumed in our own worlds to really care about others, we turn to other ways. I realized today that a lot of people know they are doing things wrong or that aren't good for them, but if you shove it in their face, they only get mad and try to rebel. They tear down our signs, turn off the TV, or scream back. How can we confort the hurting without sounding like we hate you for who you are?
In a world where we tell each other that no one should tell you how to live your life, should we be? Is it better to watch you fall over and over again, or is it better to help you get up and help you fix your wounds? What is the line and have we already crossed it?
That wasn't even what was really on my mind...but what was on my mind is really just a jumble of questions that will never have an answer....
Life is so full of unanswered questions, swirls of misunderstandings, and doubts about what is right and what is wrong. As I sit here entwined in all these feelings and doubts, I wonder once again who is right and who is wrong. I know what I believe, and I know why, but how do you make everyone else understand? I don't think anyone could ever understand my confusing, mixed up mind. Even I don't understand sometimes why I am the way I am.
I was watching home videos the other day, and I realized what a crazy child I was. I was odd then, and I guess it never changed. I loved dressing up in crazy outfits, dancing and singing when I was beyond awful, and telling stories to make friends. I guess some things haven't changed....
I feel like I'm losing myself in a midst of confusion and I'm fighting my way out of it...ain't it funny how we can pretend it's all okay, look great on the outside, and really just be as confused and messed up as everyone around us?
As we scream and cry out for attention, each us to consumed in our own worlds to really care about others, we turn to other ways. I realized today that a lot of people know they are doing things wrong or that aren't good for them, but if you shove it in their face, they only get mad and try to rebel. They tear down our signs, turn off the TV, or scream back. How can we confort the hurting without sounding like we hate you for who you are?
In a world where we tell each other that no one should tell you how to live your life, should we be? Is it better to watch you fall over and over again, or is it better to help you get up and help you fix your wounds? What is the line and have we already crossed it?
That wasn't even what was really on my mind...but what was on my mind is really just a jumble of questions that will never have an answer....
Wednesday, February 4, 2009
When inspiration comes, we must grab it while we have the chance.
A long time ago, I came across this post on a site:
You don’t need to judge me
I do enough of that myself.
Thanks for the criticism
I will get to it when
I have dealt with my own.
You don’t need to blame me
I have that covered as well.
What I want from you
is unconditional love
as I am unable to
do that for myself!
At the time, I just really liked it. I was going through a bad time, and I felt as though all people were doing was judging me and my reaction to the situation at the time. It struck me how we often blame the victim, or whoever it is that we know verus the other person, who we don't know.
Why is that we often hold back how we are really feeling? Is it because we are scared of what others will say? Are we scared to show just how much we are hurting? This world can be a crule and unforgiving place. We often make jokes about survival of the fittest, but sadly, isn't that what is most often true?
"Letting go of all I've held onto....
standing here until you make me move."
What if we could live our life without holding back? If we could just fall apart with no fear of the thoughts of others? Put everything that makes us US out there for everyone to see, to see us as we truly are. If we could strip ourselves of our insecruities, hatred, hurts, and anger for the one thing we all crave....
love.
I want to love the world, but I don't have the power to do that. It can be emotionally draining to take on the hurts, pains and insecruities of others. And that is why I turn to God when I'm stressed out or needing to just releash it all. God has the power to handle it all, the love to keep us renewed, and the grace to forgive.
"His love is eternal." Psalm 136
A long time ago, I came across this post on a site:
You don’t need to judge me
I do enough of that myself.
Thanks for the criticism
I will get to it when
I have dealt with my own.
You don’t need to blame me
I have that covered as well.
What I want from you
is unconditional love
as I am unable to
do that for myself!
At the time, I just really liked it. I was going through a bad time, and I felt as though all people were doing was judging me and my reaction to the situation at the time. It struck me how we often blame the victim, or whoever it is that we know verus the other person, who we don't know.
Why is that we often hold back how we are really feeling? Is it because we are scared of what others will say? Are we scared to show just how much we are hurting? This world can be a crule and unforgiving place. We often make jokes about survival of the fittest, but sadly, isn't that what is most often true?
"Letting go of all I've held onto....
standing here until you make me move."
What if we could live our life without holding back? If we could just fall apart with no fear of the thoughts of others? Put everything that makes us US out there for everyone to see, to see us as we truly are. If we could strip ourselves of our insecruities, hatred, hurts, and anger for the one thing we all crave....
love.
I want to love the world, but I don't have the power to do that. It can be emotionally draining to take on the hurts, pains and insecruities of others. And that is why I turn to God when I'm stressed out or needing to just releash it all. God has the power to handle it all, the love to keep us renewed, and the grace to forgive.
"His love is eternal." Psalm 136
Friday, January 30, 2009
Troubling Thoughts
It makes me quite upset that I only seem to hear about more bad things than good. Just when you think everything is going to get a little better, there always has to be some bad to come and ruin it all. I got an even bigger insight to the world today, and I disliked it greatly.
I've been noticing more and more recently that the place in which I work seems to look at the small mistakes and upset with them, while overlooking the huge, problematic areas. As a result, I feel others are suffering and evil ones are gaining. And it sickens me.
To explain this point without talking about my current situation, can I use the police force as an analogy? The police force has always made me mad. I know that they have to do their job, but I often feel as though they let power go to their head. And it often scares me that police officers have power, strength, and weapons. They could kill me for any reason, and then try and come up with a good reason why it happened. To say I am scared of the police is an understatement. They are supposed to bring us peace, but they only freak me out. I could never marry a police officer. It wouldn't go over well, I would just be freaked out by him.
Anyway, so I already know that I am afraid and frightened of police. But then add in the fact that I have seen and heard many corrupt stories about the police. And faced some of these situations myself. So why do I think the police are corrupt? They spend their time searching for thieves, which I would understand if that wasn't the only thing they go after. However, they spend a lot more time looking for thieves who steal food than looking for murders. What is more important? Items or human lives?
And how about drunk drivers? How many more people can you kill if you get drunk and drive? The chances are a lot better than a poor thief who steals some food so he doesn't go hungry. I am not condoning stealing, merely pointing out that although stealing is bad, I sometimes think that other things are worse. They are still all sins, but I think some are higher than others. And I think that letting the big, evil sins go and only punishing the little sins, that we are only proving how corrupt and mislead this country really is.
To drive home my point, I'm going to leave you with one final thought. I'm going to give you three different examples of true stories that I have heard about.
Say for example that you are a student and you decide to go out and drink a lot of beer, and you are not 21. Then you get in your car, completely trashed, and drive 30 miles to your friend's house. Not only is that a long distance and the roads are terrible, but you can't see at all. You smash into a car, but don't kill anyone. The police come and one of them thinks you are really cute. You flirt with him and convince him that since you didn't kill anyone, he should let you off with a major fine. You feel very lucky, and completely do not learn anything from the experience. The next week, you once again go out drinking. This time you aren't caught and the behavior continues until one day you swerve off the road and kill a pregnant mother. When asked later by a reporter what could have saved you from this mistake, you hang your head and say that if the police had arrested you for the DUI instead of giving you a "pat on the wrist" you would have never driven again.
Say for example you are a homeless person. You don't have a lot of money due to bad investments and a boyfriend who stole all your money while you were at work and took off for Hollywood. You know you don't have enough food for the next week, and you have tried to beg for food. Most people assume you are a druggie, and don't give you the time of day. You have never used drugs in your life, you have never slept with someone for money, but you are starting to get desperate. You won't take drugs, and that wouldn't help your problem anyway. You secretly wonder about stealing the apple from the outside vendor. You know its not right, but you are so hungry and you don't know what else to do. The job market is terrible, and there are no jobs anyway. You quickly steal the apple and then run away. However, you are caught by the cops, arrested, and put in jail. In jail, you meet a guy who stole a TV in 1980 and has still not gotten out. He says that a guy who killed someone got released five years ago, but he has yet to be released. You are shocked, and scared. You only stole an apple. How long will you be in jail?
Say for example you are a homeowner. You go on vacation and while you are gone, someone breaks into your home. Well, attempts to, that is. They unsuccessfully fall down your back steps because of the ice, break their neck and then sue you. You come home to learn you are being sued because the thief claims that if you had cleared off your steps, he would have been able to break in and steal things, and not have broken his neck. You think it's crazy and fight the case in court instead of paying out of court for all his hospital bills. However, you ended up losing in court to the would-be thief.
All of these stories are true. I realize they don't completely go together, but it just shows that each situation is different, but we always tend to side with ourselves. Not always, but sometimes I think we do. In this new culture, it's all about us. How can we help ourselves. We don't think about the consequences or how they will affect others. Purely ourselves. And I'm not saying I don't do it. This is mostly seen in our government. And I'm saying that I've seen a bad dose of it this past week and I don't know what to do about it anymore. And that is why this rambling blog was created.
I've been noticing more and more recently that the place in which I work seems to look at the small mistakes and upset with them, while overlooking the huge, problematic areas. As a result, I feel others are suffering and evil ones are gaining. And it sickens me.
To explain this point without talking about my current situation, can I use the police force as an analogy? The police force has always made me mad. I know that they have to do their job, but I often feel as though they let power go to their head. And it often scares me that police officers have power, strength, and weapons. They could kill me for any reason, and then try and come up with a good reason why it happened. To say I am scared of the police is an understatement. They are supposed to bring us peace, but they only freak me out. I could never marry a police officer. It wouldn't go over well, I would just be freaked out by him.
Anyway, so I already know that I am afraid and frightened of police. But then add in the fact that I have seen and heard many corrupt stories about the police. And faced some of these situations myself. So why do I think the police are corrupt? They spend their time searching for thieves, which I would understand if that wasn't the only thing they go after. However, they spend a lot more time looking for thieves who steal food than looking for murders. What is more important? Items or human lives?
And how about drunk drivers? How many more people can you kill if you get drunk and drive? The chances are a lot better than a poor thief who steals some food so he doesn't go hungry. I am not condoning stealing, merely pointing out that although stealing is bad, I sometimes think that other things are worse. They are still all sins, but I think some are higher than others. And I think that letting the big, evil sins go and only punishing the little sins, that we are only proving how corrupt and mislead this country really is.
To drive home my point, I'm going to leave you with one final thought. I'm going to give you three different examples of true stories that I have heard about.
Say for example that you are a student and you decide to go out and drink a lot of beer, and you are not 21. Then you get in your car, completely trashed, and drive 30 miles to your friend's house. Not only is that a long distance and the roads are terrible, but you can't see at all. You smash into a car, but don't kill anyone. The police come and one of them thinks you are really cute. You flirt with him and convince him that since you didn't kill anyone, he should let you off with a major fine. You feel very lucky, and completely do not learn anything from the experience. The next week, you once again go out drinking. This time you aren't caught and the behavior continues until one day you swerve off the road and kill a pregnant mother. When asked later by a reporter what could have saved you from this mistake, you hang your head and say that if the police had arrested you for the DUI instead of giving you a "pat on the wrist" you would have never driven again.
Say for example you are a homeless person. You don't have a lot of money due to bad investments and a boyfriend who stole all your money while you were at work and took off for Hollywood. You know you don't have enough food for the next week, and you have tried to beg for food. Most people assume you are a druggie, and don't give you the time of day. You have never used drugs in your life, you have never slept with someone for money, but you are starting to get desperate. You won't take drugs, and that wouldn't help your problem anyway. You secretly wonder about stealing the apple from the outside vendor. You know its not right, but you are so hungry and you don't know what else to do. The job market is terrible, and there are no jobs anyway. You quickly steal the apple and then run away. However, you are caught by the cops, arrested, and put in jail. In jail, you meet a guy who stole a TV in 1980 and has still not gotten out. He says that a guy who killed someone got released five years ago, but he has yet to be released. You are shocked, and scared. You only stole an apple. How long will you be in jail?
Say for example you are a homeowner. You go on vacation and while you are gone, someone breaks into your home. Well, attempts to, that is. They unsuccessfully fall down your back steps because of the ice, break their neck and then sue you. You come home to learn you are being sued because the thief claims that if you had cleared off your steps, he would have been able to break in and steal things, and not have broken his neck. You think it's crazy and fight the case in court instead of paying out of court for all his hospital bills. However, you ended up losing in court to the would-be thief.
All of these stories are true. I realize they don't completely go together, but it just shows that each situation is different, but we always tend to side with ourselves. Not always, but sometimes I think we do. In this new culture, it's all about us. How can we help ourselves. We don't think about the consequences or how they will affect others. Purely ourselves. And I'm not saying I don't do it. This is mostly seen in our government. And I'm saying that I've seen a bad dose of it this past week and I don't know what to do about it anymore. And that is why this rambling blog was created.
Saturday, January 24, 2009
Worry less, Think more
"Therefore I tell you, do not be anxious about your life, what you will eat or what you will drink, nor about your body what you will put on. Is not life more than food and the body more than clothing?" -Matthew 6:25
I no longer want to live a life consumed with worry. Worrying about even the simple things can start to destroy the simple happiness of just living each day to its fullest. Instead of worrying about what will happen in the future, and what others will think of me, I just want to enjoy the moment, and to stop planning ahead. What other people think of me is NONE of my business. They can think whatever they want of me, whether it's good or bad. Although I'm curious, if I spend precious moments worrying, I'll let happiness slip right by me.
When you think back on your life, do you think about all the times you worried, or do you think about all the happy times, the times when you were just yourself? I think that's why when I'm truly myself and I'm fully relaxed, I can sometimes sound like an idoit. But then I'm no longer thinking about how my words will sound. I'm much more at ease. I love when I can just do that. However, lately its been a problem. And so I'm going to have to watch just how much I "relax". Sad.
"Let the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be acceptable in your sight, O Lord, my rock and my redeemer." -Psalm 19:14
I no longer want to live a life consumed with worry. Worrying about even the simple things can start to destroy the simple happiness of just living each day to its fullest. Instead of worrying about what will happen in the future, and what others will think of me, I just want to enjoy the moment, and to stop planning ahead. What other people think of me is NONE of my business. They can think whatever they want of me, whether it's good or bad. Although I'm curious, if I spend precious moments worrying, I'll let happiness slip right by me.
When you think back on your life, do you think about all the times you worried, or do you think about all the happy times, the times when you were just yourself? I think that's why when I'm truly myself and I'm fully relaxed, I can sometimes sound like an idoit. But then I'm no longer thinking about how my words will sound. I'm much more at ease. I love when I can just do that. However, lately its been a problem. And so I'm going to have to watch just how much I "relax". Sad.
"Let the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be acceptable in your sight, O Lord, my rock and my redeemer." -Psalm 19:14
Thursday, December 18, 2008
A Realization
"Things don't last...but God's love will always last. Don't live for things that could break tomorrow. What is first in your life?"
It's one of people's biggest fears-loneliness. No one wants to be alone-and who can blame them? But going from relationship to relationship is never going to work. Let's just say that you do finally find someone to marry and you put all your energy into this one relationship and then it bombs.
Nothing lasts. Even relationships break up-even 20 to 30 years of love can break or fade away. When you shove all your love into a HUMAN the only result will be disappointed. Humans will never be perfect. Someone is always going to be disappointed in you. You have to learn to expect it.
We need to put our love in God. Don't worry, He will leave plenty of love for the rest of the people in your life. No worries.
"Don't put all your trust in a relationship. You will be disappointed."
It's one of people's biggest fears-loneliness. No one wants to be alone-and who can blame them? But going from relationship to relationship is never going to work. Let's just say that you do finally find someone to marry and you put all your energy into this one relationship and then it bombs.
Nothing lasts. Even relationships break up-even 20 to 30 years of love can break or fade away. When you shove all your love into a HUMAN the only result will be disappointed. Humans will never be perfect. Someone is always going to be disappointed in you. You have to learn to expect it.
We need to put our love in God. Don't worry, He will leave plenty of love for the rest of the people in your life. No worries.
"Don't put all your trust in a relationship. You will be disappointed."
Tuesday, December 9, 2008
Too Judgemental
So I wanted to approach a topic that most people don't like to talk about. But it's been bugging me for a while.
I used to be really judgemental. I mean, seriously, I always looked at other people and thought that I was so much better than them. But it was really wrong of me. That was who I used to be, not who I am today. It took a lot of growing on my part, and seeing people as God sees them. I used to walk around with these rose-colored glasses on. And when people showed who they really were-when they showed their soul with me-I kind of turned them away. I thought I was better than them, and they only made me feel better about myself. How horrible is that?
Now, years later, I still have a little bit of pride. But I've gotten so much better about it. I see people for who they truly are, and I care for them as they are. And now, as I have passed over the judgemental bridge, I'm starting to see Christians on the other end. And it's scary, because they have the faces on and the thoughts are already crossing their mind. If there is one thing that I want to stop, it's all the Christians who think they are better than everyone! God came here to love everyone!
Matthew 7:1-5 “Judge not, that you be not judged. For with the judgment you pronounce you will be judged, and with the measure you use it will be measured to you. Why do you see the speck that is in your brother's eye, but do not notice the log that is in your own eye? Or how can you say to your brother, ‘Let me take the speck out of your eye,’ when there is the log in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the log out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to take the speck out of your brother's eye.
For example, when people tell me that I am such an amazing person because I don't judge them as a Christian, that scares me. Because I know how I used to be, and I know that it wasn't easy getting to the place I am today. I am FAR from perfect, and everyday I try to work on becoming more like Christ, but I look at these other Christians, people I respect, and I hear them talking about being such a good Christian. And then I see them turning away non-christians because they have made some mistakes in their lives. No one is perfect. Christ came to save all-we are all sinners. And no sin is worse. I lie. That makes me a sinner. That makes me just as bad a person as the person who slept with someone other than their husband. I am just as horrible a person. But you don't see me that way. You think I'm pretty amazing cause all I do is tell a "white" lie. Not true. I am not such a great person. I am a Christ person. That means only Christ is perfect.
From gotquestions.org: In Matthew 7:2-5, Jesus warns against judging someone else for his sin when you yourself are sinning even worse. That is the kind of judging Jesus commanded us not to do. If a believer sees another believer sinning, it is his Christian duty to lovingly and respectfully confront the person with his sin (Matthew 18:15-17). This is not judging, but rather pointing out the truth in hope—and with the ultimate goal—of bringing repentance in the other person (James 5:20) and restoration to the fellowship. We are to speak the truth in love (Ephesians 4:15). We are to proclaim what God's Word says about sin. 2 Timothy 4:2 instructs us, "Preach the Word; be prepared in season and out of season; correct, rebuke and encourage — with great patience and careful instruction." We are to "judge" sin, but always with the goal of presenting the solution for sin and its consequences—the Lord Jesus Christ (John 14:6).
On on that note, I am going to try and find an accountability partner. Because I think I need one. And I think God would approve. :)
I used to be really judgemental. I mean, seriously, I always looked at other people and thought that I was so much better than them. But it was really wrong of me. That was who I used to be, not who I am today. It took a lot of growing on my part, and seeing people as God sees them. I used to walk around with these rose-colored glasses on. And when people showed who they really were-when they showed their soul with me-I kind of turned them away. I thought I was better than them, and they only made me feel better about myself. How horrible is that?
Now, years later, I still have a little bit of pride. But I've gotten so much better about it. I see people for who they truly are, and I care for them as they are. And now, as I have passed over the judgemental bridge, I'm starting to see Christians on the other end. And it's scary, because they have the faces on and the thoughts are already crossing their mind. If there is one thing that I want to stop, it's all the Christians who think they are better than everyone! God came here to love everyone!
Matthew 7:1-5 “Judge not, that you be not judged. For with the judgment you pronounce you will be judged, and with the measure you use it will be measured to you. Why do you see the speck that is in your brother's eye, but do not notice the log that is in your own eye? Or how can you say to your brother, ‘Let me take the speck out of your eye,’ when there is the log in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the log out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to take the speck out of your brother's eye.
For example, when people tell me that I am such an amazing person because I don't judge them as a Christian, that scares me. Because I know how I used to be, and I know that it wasn't easy getting to the place I am today. I am FAR from perfect, and everyday I try to work on becoming more like Christ, but I look at these other Christians, people I respect, and I hear them talking about being such a good Christian. And then I see them turning away non-christians because they have made some mistakes in their lives. No one is perfect. Christ came to save all-we are all sinners. And no sin is worse. I lie. That makes me a sinner. That makes me just as bad a person as the person who slept with someone other than their husband. I am just as horrible a person. But you don't see me that way. You think I'm pretty amazing cause all I do is tell a "white" lie. Not true. I am not such a great person. I am a Christ person. That means only Christ is perfect.
From gotquestions.org: In Matthew 7:2-5, Jesus warns against judging someone else for his sin when you yourself are sinning even worse. That is the kind of judging Jesus commanded us not to do. If a believer sees another believer sinning, it is his Christian duty to lovingly and respectfully confront the person with his sin (Matthew 18:15-17). This is not judging, but rather pointing out the truth in hope—and with the ultimate goal—of bringing repentance in the other person (James 5:20) and restoration to the fellowship. We are to speak the truth in love (Ephesians 4:15). We are to proclaim what God's Word says about sin. 2 Timothy 4:2 instructs us, "Preach the Word; be prepared in season and out of season; correct, rebuke and encourage — with great patience and careful instruction." We are to "judge" sin, but always with the goal of presenting the solution for sin and its consequences—the Lord Jesus Christ (John 14:6).
On on that note, I am going to try and find an accountability partner. Because I think I need one. And I think God would approve. :)
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