Some guys are just really confusing....

You know they like you (and they know you like them) but they say they want to take a break...and you can date other people. Take a break? You haven't even dated! And date other people? They like you so why do they want you to date other people? You know it would crush them if you did...so why are they suggesting you do? Can't they just say the truth? 'I just want to take things slow. I know it's not the usual guy appraoch, but I would like to be a gentleman. I want to date you, but not at the moment. do you think you would be willing to wiat with me?" And that way, if the girl really doesn't want to wait, she can just say no. And look, the guy knows what is going to happen. Instead of him crying himself to sleep if she does go off and find a different guy, he'll know ahead of time. And if she does, she really didn't like him that much in the first place.

It seems so black and white...so why is there gray?

Just Thoughts

This summer has been really interesting. I've been learning a lot about myself. But it's also been a constant struggle. And while I'd like to confide in people, I also don't know who to trust anymore. Just when I think I can trust someone, I hear news from someone else that they've been talking about me. I know I get talked about, it's just I never hear about it, so I never worry about it. But I used to wear my heart on my sleeve, and in some ways I still do, but I'm learning that it's hard to know who to trust. People have mouths, and they like to use them. And when they run out of ways to make their own life seem interesting, they start to gossip. And if your life seems more interesting, more fun, or they are just plain jealous, then they start to try to find ways to bring you down. Some people are unaware that they do this. I'm sure at some point I've done it as well. This whole summer has been a lot of negative outlooks shoved at me. I'm sick of hearing screaming, of negative thoughts, of just feeling so unhappy all the time. I feel like I'm barely able to breath a lot. It's getting harder and harder, and I'm just struggling so much. And I've pushed God away a lot this summer, and I'm trying to get back. I know I need Him and I can't do this without Him. But sometimes I think I'll try anyway, and that's when I fall...hard. I think I've been falling for a while, and I'd like to stop...and get up again.

So I haven't been on here in a LONG time...life got busy I guess. So let's see...what do I need to update on? Well, life has taken a big turn...and for the good! God is so great...He got me a job for the summer at Whitewater doing Marketing, and it's been really fun. I have a lot to learn, and sometimes I feel as though I'm not doing anything right...but it's an experience. I also got an internship at Brookdale Senior Living doing Communications (PR, graphic design stuff, photography,etc.). It's right up my alley! It's not paid, but most internships aren't and I knew that when I started looking. I know someone who paid over $3,000 to have a company find him an UNPAID INTERNSHIP. CRAZY. Ha ha.

Hmm...what else is new? Well, I got a new car. It's pretty sweet, I'm really excited. There are a few things that need touch-up, but what do you expect when you get something used?

I still work at the computer lab on Sundays...not too bad. Not a lot of people come in, so I often get paid to watch movies. Not a bad job!

My boss at the Registrar's Office loves doing cards and putting them up on the web to show her designs. I think I'm going to start doing that with all the random things that I create. So...hopefully I do that this weekend. I'm going to start a new blog just for that and I'll link it to this one so you guys can check it out!

I already have a blog for random things, like links and cool stories that I find. You guys should check it out: kristineisrandom.blogspot.com

Okay, well, I think my break is over. Just wanted to update you all! I promise I'll put something soon...we got wireless at my house (we had dial up before so that's why I never posted) and so now I should be on more!

Sometimes, a memory pops up right when you need it and a smile rushes to your face. Although life brings you pain, you can always see something beautiful in the daily routine of life: how the sun shines across your face when a cute boy walks by, a warm day with just the right breeze. Just as you feel stress, the perfect song bares through the speakers of your iPod. Look for the simple moments of life; you can be happy or cranky, but know that it is your choice.

The end of the school year is drawing to a close, and my thoughts are a jumbled mess. I'm not sure if I want summer to come. There are so many people graduating this year, and while I'm excited for them, it makes me sad. Next year is going to be so different. I have never been good at changes, but these are going to be huge changes. It reminds me just how uncertain life is, how crazy this road is. I had so many ideas of how next year would go, and none of them are what I thought. My plans for the summer are so different from my original plans.

It's so crazy how things can change in such a short time. One day, you are taking one path and the next, you find yourself back-tracking, trying to figure out where things changed. Sometimes we never figure out why things went wrong, or why they changed courses. And while I'm excited for this new path my life is heading on, I'm also sad.

I've been trying not to think so much lately, but sometimes, it just comes back. All the sadness. And while I know I'll get through it just fine, hey, I didn't want to come to college! And I didn't want to go to high school...it seems as though I've dreaded every transition I've made in life...but loved the result in the end. I wouldn't be who I am today without the changes I've made in my life.

And I've made some pretty big mistakes. I've let some people down. But I've never compromised who I am, and I'm proud of that fact. And while I lost some friendships, I think they needed to be cut lose. They were dragging me down, making me feel sorry and upset all the time. I ran into one of them today, and it made me look back on that time. All I did was complain about how horrible this person made me feel. Now that they are out of my life, I no longer feel so horrible, guilty, or stupid.

There are a few that I wish could be friends with me again. But they wanted me to change for them, and when I wouldn't do it, we had a falling out. I guess that's just the way these things go. I've forgiven them, and I hope one day they can forgive me.

Life can be pretty crazy, and it can change pretty quickly. But every change only makes us stronger, every struggle only shows us how blessed we really are. Don't forget who you are, don't change who you are to please another person. Life isn't about getting through, it's about creating yourself. Looks like I've got a lot of work ahead of me.

Best Friends Can Become Strangers

Have you ever thought you knew someone really well, only to be surprised several months later? Have you ever seen someone change before your eyes and you couldn’t even understand why? The personality change was sudden; the results drastic. Your normal way of acting suddenly changes as well because you are trying to adjust to their sudden change. Everything you do revolving around this person requires extra thought, time and work. You feel yourself getting confused and messed up, all by one person’s sudden change. You don’t understand why only this person can make you so messed up and you wish they could see the changes and the results themselves. And yet, they notice nothing. They are so lost in their own little world that you could blurt out the problem at the top of your lungs and they would probably never notice. So, you continue to suffer…wishing to solve this cycle on your own…but it seems impossible. After all, you don’t want to lose a valuable and treasured friendship.