Just Thoughts

This summer has been really interesting. I've been learning a lot about myself. But it's also been a constant struggle. And while I'd like to confide in people, I also don't know who to trust anymore. Just when I think I can trust someone, I hear news from someone else that they've been talking about me. I know I get talked about, it's just I never hear about it, so I never worry about it. But I used to wear my heart on my sleeve, and in some ways I still do, but I'm learning that it's hard to know who to trust. People have mouths, and they like to use them. And when they run out of ways to make their own life seem interesting, they start to gossip. And if your life seems more interesting, more fun, or they are just plain jealous, then they start to try to find ways to bring you down. Some people are unaware that they do this. I'm sure at some point I've done it as well. This whole summer has been a lot of negative outlooks shoved at me. I'm sick of hearing screaming, of negative thoughts, of just feeling so unhappy all the time. I feel like I'm barely able to breath a lot. It's getting harder and harder, and I'm just struggling so much. And I've pushed God away a lot this summer, and I'm trying to get back. I know I need Him and I can't do this without Him. But sometimes I think I'll try anyway, and that's when I fall...hard. I think I've been falling for a while, and I'd like to stop...and get up again.