Thoughts at 1 A.M.

Note published on my facebook.

So.

It's currently 1:07 am.

For the early birds (and I know who you are), I'm sure you are shaking your head and sighing.

Sorry, but I don't live by the "normal" rules.

2 am sounds like a great bedtime for me. Besides, I don't have class until 11am.

Trust me, my parents know my schedule: stay up late (but not too late) and sleep in as late as possible without wasting the whole day.

Okay, seriously. Stop shaking your head.

Anyway, I should be studying for a test I have tomorrow. But I don't have the test until night class. (my first night class in all 4 years...it's wierd. I don't hate it...but I don't like it....)

So my procastation has definatly sunk in. How do you stop procastating when you rock at it? That's what I'd like to know.

I have been "studying" for a while now.

My studying works like this:
Open textbook.
Sigh over the fact I've only "skimmed" it. (who really reads textbooks?)
Type answers into word document. (helps me studying...I remember slightly typing the word) Realize that I have no idea what my teacher is talking about the study guide and erase what I just wrote.
Go on some website (or facebook) as a "break" because I'm annoyed at having written the wrong thing.
Repeat.
Ha ha. Okay, so it's not that bad. But it's pretty close.

Anyway, I should go back to studying.

But I noticed I hadn't written a "real" note in a long time....I'm not really sure if people read these anyway unless they are tagged in them...and then, it's usually those addicted to facebook.

Opps. Did I point you out?

If you feel hurt by the previous comment, don't worry. I'm slightly addicted too. I say slightly because I currently have 56 messages (unread) in my inbox.

Oh yeah. You read that correctly.

Most of them are from groups....groups I've been invited to, but I've never gotten around to rejecting. Like "Join this group if you hate eggs". Um...okay?

Anyway, I never click on them because I'm wierd and lazy.

Oh, and I usually check my facebook on my ipod touch and it's too much work to click on the dumb ones. One of these days I'll get around to it. I say "One of these days" a lot.

It's bad. Real bad.

Wow, I just lost my train of thought.

Hmm...where was I? Oh yeah, so I don't go on a lot. I try to comment back right away, but sometimes I look at a comment, get sidetracked (ooo, something shiny!) and completly forget. OOOO and let's talk about facebook pictures.

This is where I fail.

I take MILLIONS (and I'm being completly serious here) of pictures, but uploading them to facebook takes:

1.) A lot of time (for some reason, facebook HATES me and won't upload them fastly or smoothly. What a pain)

2.) Effort.

3.) Reminders. (ha ha, remind me you want them up...or just be annoying...and they will show up a lot faster)

Anyway, I'm sorry about that. I try not to be addicted to facebook. It's kind of bad, right? To be addicted to it?

Well, anyway, that's my ramble...I'm not really sure what I've all taked about now.

It's now 1:21 and I've wasted too much time writing on here.

So I think I"m going to...oh wait. I remember something else.

I found a poem I wrote a long time ago...some people have seen it before. It might be a post on here already...who knows. But I'm going to add it on here:

I'm not stupid; I just lack common sense
I'm not a poser; I'm just crazy
I'm not miss popularity; I just have a lot of friends
I'm not insecure; I just don't trust people I'm just me.

And under it was written:

When we push away the things that once made us happy,
to find new things that make us extremly happy,
do you call it change or growing up?
Have I grown up or just become a different person?
How do I even find out?

This past weekend, and past week, I was reminded of just how fragile both time and life is. As I was confronted with the deaths of friends, and the fact that my own family may be in for it's own scare, I realized that we need to embrace time as much as we can.

Revelation 21:4 He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away."

Do we live our life as if tomorrow will be the end? Are you ready if tomorrow is the end?

I know that if I was to stand in front of the gates of heaven, I know that I would be saved because Jesus came for me. He washed my sins away because He loves me. Only because He loves me. I did NOTHING to deserve his love. He has always, and always will, love me. And He won't leave me either.

Psalm 23:4 Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me.

Humans can. Not always on purpose, but there is always going to be disappoint in our lives.

We are either in the middle of a trial, just got out of one or are getting ready to go through one.

I think I just got out of one, and I'm getting ready for the next one.

I graduate this May.

Talk about crazy.

I often wonder if I've done everything I can to impact the campus of UW-Whitewater.

Have I been too busy to help those I needed to? Did I hurry past someone who needed me?

Philippians 4:6-7 "Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus."

I can not regret my life or what I have done.

As I once wrote two years ago:

I don’t regret
the friends I have made.
The choices they made helped me see
Who I wanted to become
And who I didn’t want to be.

I don’t regret
proclaiming my beliefs
the people who didn’t like it
may one day see the truth
and the people who did
stayed my friends.

I don’t regret
the choices I have made.
The right choices brought
results I have loved
And the wrong choices
Made me tougher.

I don’t regret
living in the present
Choosing to live
the days as they set
Instead of in the past
Will only make me
a happier person.

I don’t regret
Being friends when
I knew the friendship
couldn’t last.
Their friendship was
great while it lasted
And I am sure
They are happy
where they are.

I don’t regret
the anger I
once held
It helped me
mend the wounds
I had earned
over the years.

I don’t regret
the clubsI didn’t join
the sports I couldn’t join,
the life I never lived.
I may have been sheltered,
But it helped me be me.

I don’t regret
this life I live
I love who I am
And what I do
And the people I touch.

I have to be confident that I've made my impact on Whitewater in whatever way I can, and that the next step I take will be the one God wants me to take.

I'm not sure where I am going, although I hope it has something to do with Americore. I know that God has his hand on my life, and even though I may not always be confident in God, I know I should be.

Psalm 46 "God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble. Therefore we will not fear, though the earth give way and the mountains fall into the heart of the sea, though its waters roar and foam and the mountains quake with their surging."

Although this weekend has been a range of emotion, I know that I am ready for whatever may come, and I will continue to pray for my family, friends, and the world. This year, 2010, is going to be a year of change!

John 14:1-3 "Do not let your hearts be troubled. Trust in God; trust also in me. In my Father's house are many rooms; if it were not so, I would have told you. I am going there to prepare a place for you. And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come back and take you to be with me that you also may be where I am."

Okay, time to finish studying and go back to bed.

It's currently 1:36am.

But I definatly needed this, so who cares what time it is.