The end of the school year is drawing to a close, and my thoughts are a jumbled mess. I'm not sure if I want summer to come. There are so many people graduating this year, and while I'm excited for them, it makes me sad. Next year is going to be so different. I have never been good at changes, but these are going to be huge changes. It reminds me just how uncertain life is, how crazy this road is. I had so many ideas of how next year would go, and none of them are what I thought. My plans for the summer are so different from my original plans.

It's so crazy how things can change in such a short time. One day, you are taking one path and the next, you find yourself back-tracking, trying to figure out where things changed. Sometimes we never figure out why things went wrong, or why they changed courses. And while I'm excited for this new path my life is heading on, I'm also sad.

I've been trying not to think so much lately, but sometimes, it just comes back. All the sadness. And while I know I'll get through it just fine, hey, I didn't want to come to college! And I didn't want to go to high school...it seems as though I've dreaded every transition I've made in life...but loved the result in the end. I wouldn't be who I am today without the changes I've made in my life.

And I've made some pretty big mistakes. I've let some people down. But I've never compromised who I am, and I'm proud of that fact. And while I lost some friendships, I think they needed to be cut lose. They were dragging me down, making me feel sorry and upset all the time. I ran into one of them today, and it made me look back on that time. All I did was complain about how horrible this person made me feel. Now that they are out of my life, I no longer feel so horrible, guilty, or stupid.

There are a few that I wish could be friends with me again. But they wanted me to change for them, and when I wouldn't do it, we had a falling out. I guess that's just the way these things go. I've forgiven them, and I hope one day they can forgive me.

Life can be pretty crazy, and it can change pretty quickly. But every change only makes us stronger, every struggle only shows us how blessed we really are. Don't forget who you are, don't change who you are to please another person. Life isn't about getting through, it's about creating yourself. Looks like I've got a lot of work ahead of me.